All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
