so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
