One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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