I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
it's like iHOP with fire
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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