dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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