She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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