Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
