Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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