Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
