i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
