I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
