quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
