In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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