Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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