I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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