You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
