i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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