is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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