you guys were way drunker than both of me
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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