I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
