She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
