Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
