i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
