i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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