So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
