I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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