Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
