That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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