I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize