Where is the hickey?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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