The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
im six kinds of drunk right now
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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