Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
