My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize