Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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