Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
