i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
