i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
