Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
