i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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