She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
