life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
