I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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