Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
