Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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