You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
