he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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