Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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