I want to walk on stilts...naked
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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