If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
