he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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