3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
