How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Of course I have a pirate flag
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
