I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
