you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The beer is more important than you right now.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
