oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
