The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It was confusing and full of hummus
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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