I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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