I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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