One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize