Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
