You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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