I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
