...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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