Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
