I'm really into asian looking animals
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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