Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
