The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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