i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
