Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Randomize
