Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
