I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
