I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I didn't notice because vodka
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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