watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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