in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
