man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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