There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
