new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
