Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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