So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He? As in you personified your dick?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
