Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
