Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
