About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
PANTIES FOUND
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
