when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize