I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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