Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize