Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
