I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
