Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
