You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
