i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
