I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
