Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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