call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
