whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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