it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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