Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
